In order. Each act has a target runtime. Together they total 4-6 minutes. Anything over 7 minutes loses the room.
01
Hook (15-30 seconds)
Open with something the room doesn't expect. A specific, concrete moment. "Three years ago, in a coffee shop in Lisbon, Maya told me she'd met someone called Noah." Not "Good evening everyone, thank you for coming." The room is ready to be moved or amused — give them a reason to lean in immediately.
Avoid: Don't open with thanks ("I'd like to thank the parents for..."), don't open with a meta line ("Marriage is a beautiful thing"), don't open with a Google quote about love. All three signal a generic speech is coming.
02
History (60-90 seconds)
Tell one story — specific, vivid, no more than 90 seconds. The story should reveal a character trait of the person you're toasting that everyone in the room recognises. "That night Maya texted me at 2am: 'Wait, do I want my daughters to look like him?' That is the most Maya thing she has ever said in her life."
Avoid: Don't tell multiple stories — pick one. Don't tell the story of how you and the person met if it doesn't reveal something about who they are. Don't tell the bachelor/bachelorette party story (no one in the room wants to hear it; the families are pretending).
03
Heart (60-90 seconds)
The pivot. After making the room laugh or lean in with the story, turn earnest. Name a specific quality of the person that the story revealed. "What that question told me is that Maya doesn't fall in love with the surface. She falls in love with the future." Then tie it to their partner — what they bring out in each other. This is the section that makes people cry without trying to.
Avoid: Don't list adjectives ("Maya is smart, kind, funny, beautiful"). Don't talk about how perfect they are together. Pick one specific quality the room can recognise and stay there.
04
Humour (30-60 seconds)
Lighten before the close. One callback to your earlier story, or one self-deprecating beat about your relationship to the couple. "And Noah, I'm sorry — I have to tell you, when Maya texts me about you, autocorrect still doesn't know how to spell your name." This is the breath the room needs before the toast.
Avoid: Don't make it about you. Don't add a third story. Don't try a joke you haven't tested on at least three people first. If a joke needs explaining, cut it.
05
Hand-off (15-30 seconds)
Raise the glass. Don't editorialise — just toast. "To Maya and Noah — may you fall in love with each other's futures for the rest of your lives. Cheers." Done. Sit down.
Avoid: Don't keep talking after the toast. Don't add "oh, and one more thing". Don't say "thank you for listening". The toast is the punctuation; let it land.